so i didn't sleep at all last night
so i feel like i'm floating
so my head is all spinny
SO WHAT!
EXTENDED ESSAY IS DONE!
yeahhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!
I AM SO.DAMN.HAPPY RIGHT NOW.
hahahahhahaa. just hope it was good enough :)

xoxoxooxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxxoxoxo
eli

i can't believe i only slept for an hour last night. and not even doing work! lol well not the whole time. i started a really really good book and couldn't stop till i finished it :) so it was worth it i guess. :D the last summer (of you and me) by ann brashares. SO TOUCHING. i cried. lol and i NEVER cry at movies. well books are different. maybe i'm becoming an old softie, maybe it's just cos i've had a horrible past couple of days. hmm. but these few days have made me think.. why am i doing this? and what exactly am i doing? tok much. but seriously i've been so stressed! and confused. but after everything's that happened i feel blocked like i can't put my thoughts into words. but my mind is constantly buzzing. gosh it just won't shut up, i'm giving myself a headache. but
i'm in psych now, learning about dysfunctional psychology. i admit that i've gone through 1 or maybe 2 of them but as long as i've come out the other side it should be fine yeah. butttt stressing so much does give me doubts. like what if i want to go back to what i was doing. what then. lol nah just gotta believe i'm past it right? but in psych one of the treatments is free association, where you just say everything and anything that comes to mind. supposedly this will bring out what's really bugging you, what you just can't say when you think about it. sounds interesting. haha. i guess blogging is a form of free association. you can see your thoughts and sometimes you're just typing whatever comes to mind.
one thought. i guess now i'm like in the "time out" thing? idk exactly. but sitting here thinking about it really raises some questions. like where is this going. i just can't get over that one. is all this worth it. maybe we should just give in to reality. i really can't say anymore. maybe i'll figure it out. but what if i don't? not like i'm getting any positive reinforcement -.- lol i'm starting to talk in psych terms. HAHA. psych is veryyy applicable to life. i like. :D
another thought. this is strange, me being able to go on xanga in school. haha normally when i try the school blocks xanga. strangeeee. but nice.
anyway back to work. gotta suck it up and deal with it now :)

haven't been here in forever and a day! but i shall start again. let's seeeee today, time traveller's wife. it was good! love that can stand the test of time, and it was sooo sweet. started a little bit slow but seriously, it was so sad and touching.  bitter sweet. but really does something like that exist? you wait your whole life for someone you know you love and who loves you.

ib is a real life stealer. lol. but i don't mind. anything to get into medicine. :) seeeeee so motivated right? RIGHT. i will study lol. like my friend who "does her work on the same day" haha i shan't write her name otherwise i get killed on monday. HAHA. mochaicemocha. :P

i don't like being a secret.

whatever this is so lame i don't even know what to write. basically i'm frustrated. i wish people would smile more. be happier. because it's my fault. mostly. idk. but argh i'm hopeless. just give up. don't even know anymore. gosh i hate today as much as i loved it. fml i don't even make sense. that's how fragmented i feel. torn. okay whatevs. more tmr. bye

xoxo

elishea

"I still feel like a castaway, the last member of a once numerous species. It was as though Robinson Crusoe discovered the telltale footprint on the beach and then realized that it was his own. Myself, small as a leaf, thin as water, begins to cry."
— Audrey Niffenegger (The Time Traveler's Wife)